I want so much...

One of the biggest struggles I face these days is knowing what to aim for. There's so much I want to do with my life; so many things worth doing and seeing and experiencing. Where to start is one thing, where to set the limitations is fast becoming the biggest hardship of all.

I want desperately to go to Lesotho and come hell or high water I'm going. But what do I want to see? What's my motivation? How much money is too much money? Is it ok to go all the way to Africa and not go on safari? Why Seri and not Martha in Ethiopia?

It's all doing my head in. It's such a big dream to accomplish and I desperately do not want to get any part of it wrong.

I want to learn Sesotho!!!!

I'm sitting here reading and re reading my Peace Corps Guide to Sesotho and I've made some great headway. I know greetings, most of the tenses and verbs but gee ... Ya know it would be awesome to have someone to help me. Someone to Ask questions of and get explanations from.

All the while little Serialong looks back at me from the one photo I have, her pleading innocent eyes begging me to persevere. How can I love someone so much despite never having laid eyes on anything but this one photo.

And to this end I press on... Kea Leboha God for the opportunity to try something new.

Tsamaea Hantle!!!

Dengue fever in Pakistan

It's unimaginable that in the world we live in some people die of a disease and some people are vaccinated against it and never think about it at all. What a divide. HIV was a buzz word here in the 80s here but in Africa it still kills people every day as does malaria and malnutrition. As I write this I'm sitting at Hungry Jacks, eating whatever I feel like with out a second thought...

The disparity between the 'third world' and us has never been worse and yet I can't help but think that if we stopped to remember that actually, it's the same world, we'd be more inclined, more moved to help our fellow man.

Happy Sunday

Jaspar Stanley on the other hand

Doesn't quite understand his mothers intensity. A warm bed, plenty of toys and the best food money can buy and he's happy.

Animals have the right of it then? Opportunistic and charming, made absolutely adorable so that we monkeys would love them, take up their plight when necessary or in Jaspar's case, put on the maid servant outfit and cater to every whim.

Interestingly, at least in the case of Jaspar Stanley and I; I probably wouldn't have it any other way!

Chris Mccandless

So I'm reading the story of Chris Mccandless at the moment and don't panic, I'm not going to spoil it but its put me in such a state of mind that I seemingly cannot stop shaking my head in wonder.

Is this what the worlds come to? At the pinnacle of moral decomposition that the best and brightest of us throw theie hands up in frustration and simply turn their backs? We can't feed the hungry, we don't shelter the homeless, we won't embrace the fallen. We accumulate rubbish in our lives and judge ourselves by what our father does for a living.

Really?

That's what God put us here for??

If that's the case, I'd rather take my chances in the Alaskan wilderness.

What rot. What a backwards, way wards despairing society we've become that true moral fortitude can't bear its company.

Anyway, read the book - its called into the wild. I won't profess to suggest that it will change your life but I changed mine.

So... Wednesday huh?

Every time I jump on the computer I open up the World Vision page and pray for all the sponsor children. I wish I could save them all but until I can its a small thing to let God knows that someone cares.

Well the last couple of weeks I've been praying hard for the children in Lesotho and South Africa and about a week ago - they all disappeared! They were all sponsored and i was so relieved. There were like 50 or 60 kids there so I was stoked. A little pray goes a long way!

Then this morning I noticed that there were new children for South Africa and Swaziland so back to the prayer board. You know for $35 a week you can save three lives, not just one. These days you can't eat a single meal in a restaurant for that much.

To spruce up my Wednesday now that the prayings done, I think I might get me a passport!! I know right - how can I not have one. Well turns out I didn't need one to get in to Queensland  :p And then I've just got to save ( And save and save) and that's it I'm off!

Whatever you're doing today have fun, dream big and don't forget for every trouble you have, someone else has more.

Wow... so the first one should be profound right?

Sorry to disappoint. There's nothing particularly profound about me. I'm 28 going on 80, married with a dog but no children (I'm not a fan), enjoy doing anything, as long as I don't have to get off the couch or put down my knitting needles.

I really am 28 I swear...

But in the depths of my battered and bruised brain lies this undying desire to do something great with my life. Something that will help, something that will bring about change. God knows what... he actually does. He's a little mum on the subject more often than not but I know he knows. And he knows I know he knows and it makes him laugh... such is the discourse of my brain.

ANYHOOO.... So I'm planning a trip to Africa. I want to go to Lesotho and South Africa, Botswana, Swaziland... anywhere that I don't have to live this life and I might have an out of mental patient experience.  I sponsor a girl in Lesotho. She's just a baby and I'm completely in love with her. I want to meet her; not to pat myself on the back for helping her and not even to let her know how good I am (coz I'm not) but just because I adore her.

Because I think about her every day and I wonder how she is and if her family is doing well. Because every night before I go to bed I pray for her and I ask God to watch over her. Because somewhere out there in the great beyond her little life and my crappy one are connected.

So that's the plan - Im going to go to Lesotho. I was caught between telling everybody and telling nobody because people can be such nay sayers. One such 'sayer' said to me last night ' well I suppose its healthy to have something to aim for.' ( By which of course she meant - what the hell are you talking about you're never going anywhere and never doing anything because you're a loser like me.)

But I'm going to Lesotho. Just try and stop me.